Guide him back the best they can
by Venka le fay
Summary: Donnie is suffering from emotional problems, in the aftermath of "The Pulverizer Returns". A talk in the kitchen over a cup of tea with Leo, leads to a emotional brake down for the Purple Masked turtle.


**Guide him back, the best they can**

**By Venka Le Fay. **

The following is a fan based story. TMNT2012 is owned by Nickelodeon, please support the official release.

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Leonardo rolled over on his tatami mat and sighed as sleep refused to come. Ever since the Pulverizer…no ever since Timothy had been transformed into a mutant he couldn't help feeling guilty. Donnie had stated several times that they needed to get him away from the foot clan. But he hadn't listened…he had been so caught up in the thought of having someone who could pass them information on the foot on Shredder. Too caught up to listen to his own younger brothers concerns. Looking back on it, it was highly probable that Dogpound, Fishface, or both probably suspected that Timothy knew the Ninja Turtles, or at least had some connection to them. That was likely why he was used to experiment with the mutagen, in the belief that the turtles would come to his rescue.

When they originally had heard the story from Master Splinter, that Donatello had taken the Pulverizor as a student -even if that pedagogical position had only been temporary.- Leo admittedly had trouble believing it. One, there was no way that lame brain could take the art of Ninjitsu seriously, plus Donnie had no business in teaching it to him in the first place. And two it was fairly obvious that the Pulverizor irritated his intelligent younger brother to degrees that could only be reached by Mikey at his worst, so why go through the trouble?

"Nothing I said or did would stop him from putting himself in danger." Donnie had commented after Leo pulled his purple masked brother aside. "By teaching him some of the basic moves, he would at least have a better chance of tangling with groups such as the Purple Dragons if he was so insistent. Still I had actually hoped that if he truly experienced the intense level of training we've take years to perfect that maybe he'd give up this delusion of being a super hero."

This was logic that Leo could at least appreciate, as much as the four of them knew the Pulverizer to be a fanboy and a nuisance; he was still an innocent human being. An innocent human being, who was now needlessly involved in their problems and had paid a hefty price for it, by being exposed to the mutagen, Tim had lost his humanity through his own foolish delusion.

They had tried…Donnie had tried several times to convince the Pulverizer that the mutagen was unstable and dangerous. But sadly the foolish human boy had once again refused to see reason, resulting in his blind desire to fight Shredder alongside his idols as a mutant. And what was worse, something about the whole incident seemed to break something in Donatello. Raph and Mikey didn't notice the difference, but Leo and Splinter could see there was a change and to what effect was yet to be seen.

Getting up Leo left his room and made his way to the kitchen, he noticed the light in Donnie's bedroom was on so that meant he was up late, once again. Continually trying to find the means to return the Pulverizer to his human form, if it was possible and he had been doing this for what…a week now. Donnie was so busy he hardly ate, barely slept, and either was late for training, or didn't show up at all. Splinter was already starting to get irritated by Donnie's behavior as of late, and if things didn't improve, Donnie would be stripped of his title as a Ninja.

Putting the tea kettle on the stove to boil, he left the kitchen and made his way to Donnie's room. He wasn't surprised to find Donnie nowhere in sight. Leo shrugged as he turned out the light; it wasn't unusual for his genius brother to be found asleep in his lab. Unfortunately the purple masked turtle wasn't there either; the only thing that counted as a person was the forlorn looking remains of Timothy that we're suspended in their tank. This was too weird, unless they were training or on patrol, Donatello rarely left his lab. So where in the sewers could he have gone?

Sighing, he decided to return to the Kitchen and finish making tea when his ears detected the familiar buzzing of Donnie's bo staff spinning through the air. And it was coming from the dojo. Cautiously he walked to the door of the dojo and sure enough his taller brother was obsessively practicing with his bo staff. Leonardo had been so intent on watching his younger brother; he didn't notice Splinter had come up behind him until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Master Splinter," Leo acknowledged his father and teacher.

"Donatello, feels a sense of responsibility for what has happened to the…to Timothy." Splinter stated with some concern.

"He shouldn't blame himself for that; the Pulverizer was blinded by his own desires to be a hero to see reason." Leonardo pointed out as every strike and blow Donatello made felt like they were meant for him or maybe all three of his brothers. "Donatello did everything he could to stop it from happening. If anyone is to blame it should be me. Donnie…Donnie was the one saying that Timothy should quit the foot and I encouraged the idea of having him be intel just so we'd know what Shredder was planning."

"When Dontello took him on as a student, I warned him he was responsible for whatever happened." Splinter responded sternly, but not a reprimanding way. "So your brother is not entirely blameless for Timothy's fate. And you are right, that you or the others do hold responsibility for this as well. However from what you have told me, it seems that Timothy is a person who would only realize his foolishness the hard way."

"And that is the reason why Donnie is desperately seeking a cure." Leonardo sighed shaking his head sadly. "But all the other unfortunate people who were exposed to the mutagen…their conditions were permanent, including you sensei. I don't know if it's even possible to restore Timothy to being a human, and I fear trying to find a cure may end up destroying Donnie all together."

"I do agree that the mutagen doesn't bring desirable results," Splinter said with a sigh. "But sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise. I have lost my humanity, but I have gained the four of you. And while life has not been easy, I don't feel any regret about how our family has turned out. Donatello is capable of many things, and I have faith that if a cure is possible he would be able to find it. However I too have concerns about this task…all that his happened is far too much of a burden for one so young."

"Then what should we do?" Leonardo looked up in his teacher. "…What should I do?"

"I would suggest talking to him..." Splinter responded a fatherly manner as he turned to leave. "Don't approach the conversation as a leader to an underling…instead approach him as an older brother and friend."

Hearing the hum of the tea kettle, Leo stepped away from the Dojo and returned to the kitchen. Removing the kettle from the heat and shutting off the stove he pondered Master Splinter's words. Don't approach as a leader to a subordinate, but as an older brother. What did that mean? As far as he could remember he'd always been seen as a leader of their group. The others looked up to him to lead the way out when it really mattered. But being a big brother…that was different? How was that different from being a leader? Pouring himself a cup of jasmine tea he started to raise it to his mouth, when he paused a moment and placed it down. He could at least try and get Donnie to talk over a cup of tea…and he could see about getting his brother to eat something while he was at it.

Returning to the dojo, he found Donnie kneeling on the ground. His bo staff propped against the floor as if trying to support him. His face looked flushed from exertion, the way his chest was heaving and the blank look in his eyes, Leo could tell exhaustion was setting in. There was also an unmistakable sheen of sweat coating his brother's face and body, and also the smell of blood. He was at his brother's side in an instant, taking hold of the wooden staff; gently pulling it away from Donatello's grasp and took note of the rust colored stains that had formed on the white strip of cloth bound around the center of the staff. Glancing down at Donatello, he saw the purple masked turtle examining his hands which were cracked and bloody from the constant use of his trade mark weapon. Sighing softly to himself, Leo placed the staff in the weapons closet before returning his brothers side.

"Common, let's get you cleaned up." Leo said as he took hold of one of Donatello's arms and hoisting him to his feet. The taller turtle didn't protest, but rather mechanically followed his brother where he was being lead. Leo knew this was a bad sign; this was the behavior of a person who was mentally or emotionally at the end of their rope. Pulling Donatello to the kitchen and placing him down on one of the stools. Grabbing the first aid kit from underneath the sink, Leo sat down on a second stool and began inspect the abrasions on Donnie's hands. He sucked in a breath when he realized it was worse than he had actually thought, the skin on Donnie's hands was cracked and blistered from the hour upon hours of handling his staff, and several of the blisters had ruptured, oozing blood. What was worse, some of them looked as though they hadn't been attended to causing the broken flesh to look red and puckered with possible infection. How long had Donnie been doing this? In concern, Leo placed a hand on his brother's forehead and noticed he felt rather warm, but it didn't feel like a fever, at least not yet.

"You really did a number on yourself." Leo commented with sigh before he pulled a brown bottle of hydrogen peroxide from the first aid kit. "I don't think I need to tell you that this may sting a bit." Measuring a little of the clear fluid into a paper towel before dabbing at some of the more infected areas. Donatello let out a small hiss at the burning sensation while the chemical bubbled in the wounds, cooking the infected areas and oxidizing the uninfected. Leo stepped away to the sink a moment and grabbing a clean wash cloth and soaking it under the tap. Wringing out the wet cloth he returned to where his brother was sitting and started to cleanse away the blood and broken skin before gently wrapping them in thin layer of bandages. Trying to sooth away the pain his brother was feeling. Blisters were a common injury when they first began training with their weapons, and continued to be even now that their hands had formed calluses and grown accustomed to the feel of their weapons. Leo however knew Donatello's wounds ran far deeper than just these physical ones, and those were wounds that were harder to heal.

"I failed him, Leo."

The statement was so soft, Leonardo was barely sure he heard it. But the voice was unmistakable. His heart clinched as he noticed Donnie visibly flinch when he reached out and placed a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. But that couldn't be right; Leo rarely if ever raised his hand to his brothers, least of all Donatello. At once he pulled the taller turtle into a hug. One arm wrapped around Donatello's shoulders, the other comfortingly placed on the back of his brothers head.

"No you didn't." Leo whispered softly into his brother's ear. "You did everything I would have done if I had been in your place."

"You saw him that night," Donatello's softly answered into Leo's shoulder. "He was scared, confused, and so much pain." It was the medic in Donatello that abhorred the sight of people getting hurt, particularly loved ones and innocents.

"It couldn't be helped, Don." Leo answered, replacing the affectionate nickname with the more mature sounding name shortening. "He did it to himself."

"I should have been a better…" Donatello had hardly finished his statement when Leo's hands firmly grabbed his shoulders and pushing him away.

"Don…Donnie look at me." Leonardo commanded. Donatello hesitantly turned his burgundy eyes to meet Leo's ocean colored ones. Instead of disappointment or anger, the depths of blue were expansive, filled with concern, but there was love in their depths as well. "Don't ever say you should have been a better teacher." Leo had continued. "If he continued to train under you, it is possible that he wouldn't be in the condition he is now. And yet, I believe he would have turned to Bradford's dojo regardless of whether you continued to teach him or not. It wouldn't have surprised me if the reason he was even chosen as a member of the foot, was because they suspected it would lead to us or maybe our lair." The blue banded turtle felt his younger brother tense at that statement. Leo at once returned to the comforting embrace the two sitting in silence for what felt like an hour, with Leonard running his hand in gentle circles along Donatello's shell. The silence was suddenly broken by the sound of Donatello's stomach growling.

"Here," Leo said as he got up. "Why don't I make you some toast."

"You don't need to…" Donatello started to protest.

"Yes I do…" Leo started to say. "As your older brother I do. Don, making yourself sick is not going to be a help to any of us."

"I'm fine, Leo. I can't rest until I've found a cure…"

"Damn it, Donnie!" Leo nearly shouted as he slammed his fists onto the concrete. "This is the problem! I know you want to rescue April's father, and restore the Pulverizer to being a human once again, but at what cost? For the past week, you've barely eaten, the only time you actually sleep these days are during the times you pass out in your lab. And this past week alone, you've either been absent or late when we undergo our training. And if this keeps up, you will be stripped from your title as a Ninja…forever."

Two doors could be heard opening within the lair. Leo knew the Raph and Mikey were only standing aside and waiting to see if they were needed. He could tell which footsteps were Mikey's as they pattered closer to the kitchen to see what was going on.

"Hey," Leo could hear Raph harsh whisper coming from the common area. "Get your scaly, green ass back here."

"But Raph…" Mikey started to protest.

"Don't "But Raph" me. Just believe me when I say you don't want to be involved right now."

Leo sighed to himself as he walked to a cabinet and pulled out a second tea cup. He picked up cup of tea that he had poured himself earlier-which had long since grown cold- filling the second cup of tea water he returned the table. Donatello had grown strangely silent after Leo's outburst and the sight the older turtles eyes beheld was heart breaking. Donnie continued to sit on the kitchen stool, his head facing downward as if he was studying the thin layer of dust and sewer grime on the floor. His arms were wrapped around himself and he seemed to shiver as if cold. Leo could tell right away that Donatello was fighting a losing battle to keep himself from breaking. Placing down the two cups of tea on the concrete table, he wrapped one arm around Donatello, pulling his brother close once again. Carefully tilting up Donatello's face, Leo's ocean blue eyes were met by his brothers burgundy eyes brimming with unshed tears. Never before had he seen his second brother look so lost.

"I'm just so scared, Leo." Donatello whispered as he leaned his head against his brother's plastron, allowing the tears to slip down his face. "I'm afraid that every promise I make will end result in nothing. The last chance we had in rescuing April's father only resulted in his getting recaptured, and now this promise I made to Timothy..."

"You'll find a way." Leo said comfortingly as he sat down, allowing Donnie to wrap his arms around his neck. "I know you will...*He* needs you. I know for a fact you were able to reach him before…it was only a moment, but it was your voice that helped him remember who he was." Footsteps cautiously approached as Raph and Mikey appeared in the kitchen door way. Raph had an uncharacteristic look of concern in his eyes, Mikey looked near tears himself has he approached his older brothers placing a hand on Donatello's shell.

Raph also approached and placed a hand on Donatello's shoulders. "Hey, I know I'm not the comforting type and I am harder on you more than the other guys…and yeah I have said you were a 'useless ninja' on more than one occasion. But even I admit *I* need you too. I mean, who else is going to keep an eye on Mikey."

"Hey," Mikey yelled in protests.

"Remember when you, me, and Mikey went up against Snakeweed." Raph continued. "When Mikey, got hurt I froze up and didn't know what to do. But you…you kept a level head through it all. You were the one who managed to subdue Snakeweed and snap me out of my panic attack long enough for us to escape, if you hadn't been there, both Mikey and I would'a been done for."

"Donnie," Mikey softly said as he leaned his cheek against his brother's shell. "I do admit I tune out whenever you go into lecture mode and I don't understand what you're saying when you get started on the technobabble. I do poke fun at your expense, particularly about April. But as much as I annoy you, I also look up to you. *We* need you Donnie, you've saved our shells on so many occasions, I don't think I have enough fingers and toes to count that high. No one has been kinder or more generous then you have, whenever one of us has been sick or hurt, you've always been there. And you've always been there to listen when we've wanted to talk, and offered advice whenever we're down. I can't think of a big brother whose better then you."

"We're here for you too, Donnie." Leo spoke as Donatello's sobs turned gradually became a small hiccup. "If you need anything, we're here. You don't need to feel like you are undergoing these tasks alone. All you need to do is let us know where you need assistance the most that way we'd get through whatever needs to get done…together."

There was a long moment of quiet, before Donatello lifted his head and met the smiling gazes of his brothers. Leo gently reached out and bushed away any remaining unshed tears from Donnie's eyes.

"I think this situation call for a nice, Shrimp and Sausage Pizza." Michelangelo said pulling out his T-phone and gleefully running out of the room to make the call.

"You better not include anchovies on that pie!" Raphael warned as he raced after his youngest brother. "Otherwise you and I are going to play a little game called, "Does Mikey fit in that pipe?" Leo just smiled and shook his head in amusement before turning to his purple banded brother.

"You going to be okay?" He asked.

"I think so…"Donnie answered. "Thanks Leo."

"Don't mention it." Leo smiled companionably at his younger brother. "I think might be a good idea not to practice with your bo again, at least not until those blisters heal."

"Alright…" Donatello answered as he tentatively picked up the cup of Jasmine tea that Leonardo had made for him.

"I'd be willing to undergo some hand to hand exercises with you in the meantime." Leo added. "I have noticed some areas in your fighting where you look like you need assistance. And speaking of assistance…can you teach me how to use your bo? When you have the time?"

"Sure…" Donatello answered taking a sip of the tea, letting the warm soothing liquid slide down his throat. "Can I ask why?"

"Remember when, Master Splinter told us to switch weapons?" Leo inquired. "I think where we went wrong most in that exercise is that we didn't understand how to use an unfamiliar weapon. And none of us really considered the option that even though we couldn't use our own weapons for that day, there was nothing said about learn from those around us who could teach us. So maybe if there are times we do have to switch weapons, we'd be better prepared."

"If you want, I can teach you some basics right now." Donatello answered as he pulled Leo to the dojo. Splinter watched from the shadows of his room as his third son handed his weapon to his older brother and began to instruct him in its use. Smiling at the dynamic the calmer two of his four sons held for one another, a dynamic his second oldest and youngest sons could stand to learn from. But there was still many emotional trials left for them to face as individuals. Splinter had suspected for some time now, his third son had a pacifistic nature and this would be an issue that will manifest itself later in the boy's life. And when the time came, he would have to make difficult choices that would affect his future. Some actions he will be forced to choose -while for the greater good- will affect him in damaging ways. But through it all, his brothers will remain by his side to guide him back the best they can.

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**Hi all, sorry if some of the characterization are OOC in this fic. But this is how the story wrote itself out. **

**After watching 'Pulverizer returns' I kept getting this impression that something was changing or had changed in Donatello, about midway though the story. Did I ever see the Pulverizer and Donatello as actual friends...well it depends on whose point of view your looking at. With Donnie I don't think he actually considered Timothy AKA the Pulverizer as a friend or an ally. As Master Splinter so eloquently put it, the Pulverizer was a doofus. However whether he liked the guy or not, Donnie did see him as an innocent bystander who was rather unfortunately involved in their issues. Not to mention by training the Pulverizer, Donnie was responsible for whatever happened. **

**Through out much of this fic I was attempting to delve into Donnie's fragile psyche over what he must be going through. For example, we've seen Donnie make promises that he really has yet to make good on. Rescuing Aprils, father is a promise we are likely to see fulfilled by the end of this season or sometime next season at the latest. But his promise to help return the Pulverizer to being human once again, that is a much taller order. Especially since it's been mentioned that the effects of the mutagen are permanent. We know Donnie is a night owl, and at times when he's fixated on something he would forget basic things such as eating and/or sleeping. And of course that can cause problems if he isn't functioning on all cylinders. And yes, I can see Master Splinter reluctantly stripping Donatello of his status as a ninja if such offences continue. And unfortunately to be disgraced in such a manner sadly is permanent as well. **

**Master Splinter would be more likely to notice the changes in Donatello seeing as Splinter is more of a father figure then an instructor towards Donnie. But of the four ninja Leo is more likely to notice minute problems or issues in his brothers. He's not always aware of them or gives these issues the addressing that they require, at least not before they become a problem. And often separating the role of leader from the role of elder brother is difficult for him to do since, because all his life he has been destined to be a great leader. In many cases where one of the others needs him to be a big brother, he instead acts as a leader which doesn't help matters. **

**I do mention that Donnie may be pacifistic as it is hinted at in the 2012 series. In the 2003 series it's often implied that Donnie is a pacifist and that may be something that has carried over to the 2012 series. However where as the 2003 that is an established part of Donnie's personality. In the 2012 series, that feels like an issue that Donnie is struggling with, because he knows he's not the strongest, fastest, or most competent of the four warriors. So it's possible to add pacifism to the list may make him feel like he is weak since that would be essentially saying he doesn't like fighting. While a strong dislike or aversion to fighting and acts of violence is the core of pacifism. It can also be considered a strength because it enables a person to figure out ways to get out of a situation with minimal casualty and defend innocent people from harm.**

**But Donnie can't save everyone, least of all from themselves. **

**The whole He needs you, I need you, and We need you scene I put in because, Donnie has more then one occasion has doubted his abilities as a Ninja when compared to his brothers and I get the feeling that this is an issue that will be addressed in later episodes. And sometimes he does tend to pile on more then he can really handle on his own. **

**Leo telling Donnie the Pulverizer needed him, was because Donatello was the only one who was able to reach Timothy and get him to remember who they were. It was only for a small moment, but it sort of shows that Donnie did have a small impact. And that may be helpful in the Pulverizer's over all recovery. **

**Raph, I know he would loathe to openly admit he loves and cares about his younger brothers. And Donnie is often on his abuse list. He does acknowledge they have their important places with in the team. So yes, he admits to saying that he needs Donnie, because Donatello was able effortlessly to take the reigns of leadership in order to get his brothers to safety. **

**Mikey telling Donnie that they need him. In someways Michelangelo is the voice of the entire group as a whole, because he knows Donnie is more then just the genius technophile of the group, he is also the medic, an engineer, a mechanic, metallurgist, a sympathetic ear, a comforter, *Mikey's babysitter* ect. And without him...their group wouldn't be able to function effectively. In the Tales of the Turtle Lair comic that was released as a game for . Everyone is able to complete their specific trials through advice given by Splinter. However Michelangelo is able to get through his trials, not by advice given by Splinter, but by advice given by Donatello. **

**On the flipside however, as much as Donnie is needed by his companions, he also needs them. **

**Please R & R**


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